When Harry Met Sally Pinoy Style

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” — Anonymous

My recent quick trip to Manila stirred a whole bunch of memories and unearthed an even whole bunch more, skeletons that is. Joe, my husband of 18 years was piqued by my friendship with my first boyfriend. “Why is it”, he asks, “That every time you’re in Manila, he shows up?” My response would always be, “cause we are friends, we went to high school together.” In the manner of Billy Crystal (from the movie When Harry Met Sally) Joe would proceed to explain how individuals of the opposite sex could never be just friends. Something about the male brain!

Allow me to share the actual conversation as it was in the movie.
Harry: Would you like to have dinner? …Just friends.
Sally: I thought you didn’t believe men and women could be friends.
Harry: When did I say that?
Sally: On the ride to New York.
Harry: No, no, no, I never said that. ………(pauses and thinks about it) Yes, that’s right, they can’t be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can – this is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. …. (another pause) No, that doesn’t work either, because what happens then is, the person you’re involved with can’t understand why you need to be friends with the person you’re just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say “No, no, no it’s not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,” the person you’re involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you’re just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let’s face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can’t be friends.

Movie dialogues and high school friendships aside, I would love to have proved the premise wrong but what I came up with, to me, is a better idea. It even involves my new found “texting” talent, my tried and tested Nancy Drew sleuthing expertise and stampin’ up creativity. After all, movie dialogues are not the bible of relationships. If I were to guess, I’d say the screenwriter is of the male species. So on with my project and my sounding off with my take on relationships. I sat and jotted down dates and details, going back to third grade.

I am putting together a scrapbook of sorts containing information about my (for lack of better label/name/category) past relationships. I’ve contacted cousins and other friends for information. Nothing serious, just sort of a “last-known-whereabouts” type of thing but will definitely be fun to skim through. To protect people’s privacy, I will be using initials. But for visuals, I’ve been working on black & white photos. I planned on completing this project before August 19, 2008 for Joe’s birthday. It’s been a fun ride, considering I’ve not really had a totally gut-wrenching, heartbreaking experience in the manner that movies are made of. Instead, I have had the preppy, almost Pollyannaish narrative. The glass is always half full. And I have it all mapped out in my head. What information to include, my own insights as to why we clicked or didn’t, what I found amusing. I’m even including celebrities I have had crushes on.

Unfortunately, with the delicate nature of said project, it’s not meant for public sharing. One thing I know for sure, all these people (just a little over a dozen) in my life have influenced what I have become. Along the way, I’ve accumulated lessons that made me the way I am today. I would like to think that in a way, I (may) have influenced what became of them. And I have been finding out great modern love stories, starring real people that I have met along the way.

As for Joe, my “asawa” (life partner) who used to joke about me coming to Boston to find him, au contraire, he happened to find me. He also picked me and pursued me. No matter how many times I said “I have a boyfriend in the Philippines!” His ready comeback was, “you’re not married, so it’s fair game”.

And through all this, learning, re-learning and taming (read The Little Prince) observing the proper rites I come to conclude that Joe is unlike a thousand other men. He is unique in the entire world. He belongs to me and I to him. Forgiveness is part of the package. He is important because it is he that I have listened to, when he told happy stories (or sad), successful adventures (or mishaps), when he voiced frustration or elation, when he shared dreams, when he was in awe or impressed or doubtful. And even when he said nothing.

It is he I listened to all tongue twisted trying to learn tagalog words for me.
It is he who took me to the flower show and feigns interest.
It is he who endured hours at the Museum of Fine Arts with me, as I read through all the fine prints on sculptures and artwork.
It is he who taste tested dishes that I made from following recipes online.
It is he who rescues me from boring parties, steering me clear of useless conversations.
It is he who hollers to come out and look at the rainbow.
It is he who treks to Chinatown and surprises me with sugarcane juice.
It is he who gave me the brightest irises inspired by my favorite painter (Van Gogh).
It is he who looked at me with puppy dog eyes convincing me to take the glider ride or to ride a mountain bike.
It is he who took me white water rafting in Maine, even though I couldn’t swim.
It is he who cheered me on my Dolphin safe tuna campaign.
It is he who warms up my car in the winter and still holds doors open.
It is he who brings me lunch at work and says hello to all my patients.
It is he who gets me my small cup of tea with milk hold the sugar.
It is he who calls me Bluesky and Buttercup.
It is he who stroked my hair away from my face and tied it in a low bow when my hands were messy with paint.
It is he who wrapped pears and Tabasco for me for Christmas.
It is he who admires my paintings and crafty creations.
It is he who reads first drafts of my articles.
It is he who calls, in the middle of the day, just to hear my voice.

Sigh, I could go on forever but I shall spare you.

It is the time we have spent together that made us, US. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that the relationship just evolved from long companionship or persevering courtship rather, it came to be an affinity created in a moment that added up to minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years. Hopefully, lasting generations. It is one act of kindness, paid forward and back, multiplied so many times. It is the influence and provision, the attraction, the understanding and compromises agreed upon, together involving us as a couple and us raising a family. Joe may have picked me but ultimately, I made the conscious choice, heart and mind to be his, all the days of my life.

As for men and women being just friends, I still say it can happen, the friendship not leading to any deeper relationship (of any physical nature) will be a lifelong experience of the greatest value. But as it is unique, it is very rare indeed.

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