Essays

Loving

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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints!—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning
“#43, Sonnets from the Portugese”

Sigh, there, I have just made you read the most touching of poetry, my absolute, most favorite of Sonnets from the Portuguese. I had this memorized way back when. Now, what pray tell have pushed me to do a piece on Loving?

I am a self-confessed non-expert when it comes to the subject. Well, our eldest, Jesi who’s turning 17 this month officially has a boyfriend. Now, I do not intend to embarrass her. I just want to impart some insights. Nothing earth shattering, nothing any one never ever wrote about before. Just plain insight on loving, the way I see it. The way I felt it. The way I would have wanted someone to have given me insight, when I was 17 and in love.

First things first, life doesn’t go on forever. There is such a thing as lifespan. You are not 17 for all the days of your life. So, live boldly, live a whole life. Love fully. It doesn’t really matter who or what you become, or where you end up going. I do believe that your one true love will find you, wherever you are. The real you or the idealized version, the way one sees you or how you see yourself, you will be loved as a whole package. That includes your dreams, fears and aspirations.

The emotional baggage shouldn’t count against you and this includes your parents’ mistakes. I do believe the key to finding joy and happiness or contentment in loving is focusing on giving not getting. It is how much you give of yourself. Opening up to vulnerability, to chances. It is how you make your loved one feel special not the other way around. No matter how ordinary you may sometimes feel. It is the art of loving that makes you special. And I cannot stress this enough. You may be swept off your feet, and that’s ok too. Always stop and smell the flowers even when they’re not roses. Smile often. Accept love when it comes, ready or not.

When things do not work out the way you envisioned it to be, cause sometimes they won’t. Take it easy. Beginnings are usually scary, endings can be sad. What happens in the middle counts. Make the most of it. Do not be jaded. You can learn to love again.

What makes you stay when the love falls apart? How do you deal with the hurt? You have a lot more strength than you’ll ever know. Letting go is ok too. Sometimes, it’s just the right thing to do. Learn to forgive.

Love is not love when it weighs you down. For love makes you soar, makes you fly. Love floats. Like the bluest blue on a clear cloudless sky, like a cup that runneth over, like, you’ll know when the time is right.

Life isn’t forever but Love is. . .